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|“||Such is life||”|
— Ned Kelly
|“||Yeah Nah ya fucken cunt!||”|
— Druggo outside Centrelink
|“||Your metal toys are no a match for me!||”|
— Saxton Hale
|“||My national bird is the emu, and it's a pest! ... Also, bloody delicious!||”|Diamondbolt Australiaball, officially the Commonwealth of Spiders Australiaball, is upside down a countryball between the Indian and the Southern Pacific Ocean, occupying the mainland of the continent of Australia and several islands.
Because it is surrounded by sea, it has no neighbors. However, it is located relatively close to the south of Indonesiaball and Papua New Guineaball, and northwest of New Zealandball.
The countryball is divided into 6 stateballs and 2 territoryballs, including the capital Canberraball, located in the Australian Capital Territoryball, giving it a total area of 7.692 million square kilometers, making it the 6th largest countryball in the world, and the largest countryball in Oceania. As of 2019, it maintains a population of about 25.22 million inhabitants.
Like most former British colonies it is a part of the Anglosphere, and despite not being European, it is also part of the Eurovision. It is also a member of the G20 and the UNball like almost every other countryball.
Australia is often seen as a very dangerous countryball due to the fact that many of the wildlife is either poisonous or out of control (See The Great Emu War). However, if you look beside the wildlife, Australia is actually a very peaceful and happy countryball.
It gets along with almost everybody, has very popular tourist destinations, and just like USAball, people from countryballs like Chinaball, Iraqball, and Indiaball come and live in its clay. It is a very safe and friendly countryball and a great place to escape to in the outbreak of WW3.
Some people say it may be an emerging power, which isn't the same as a potential superpower.
Australiaball was born on the 1st of January (though Australia day is on the 26th of January), so its astrological sign is Capricorn.
It created the world's newest language called "Light Warlpiri', which is spoken by members of the 'Lajamanu tribe.
Australiaball has 685 national parks. It is the most sparsely populated countryball in Oceania.
Before any kind of contact with European civilization, the island was populated by Australian Aboriginalsball, worshipping Dreamtimeball. They learned to love and care for the animals and plants that lived there. Sometimes they burnt large patches of dead, dry grass and this freed up land for new plants to grow. It is said that they got here during glaciation time.
Discovery, Exploration, and Colonization
The status quo was defied when Dutch explorers came here and discovered the land. Tasmaniaball, for example, is named after the Dutch explorer Abel Tasman.
Since USAball was independent, the UKball decided to settle here a penal colony. Due to the land being unfertile and the high death rate in the desert, prisoners didn't like it. The Australian Aboriginalsball, meanwhile, were being oppressed by the settlers. The six colonies ( NSWball, QLDball, SAball, Tasball, Vicball, and WAball) were united into a federation in 1901, as a dominion of the British Empireball. The distance from the motherland created a different culture. Notably, Vegemite and AFL were invented here.
In the 1880s Australiaball started constructing a dingo fence to keep out the
dingos because the dingos were slaughtering the sheep in southern Queenslandball. After the dingo fence was finished being built in 1885 it became the longest fence in the world and still is!
A huge consequence of this is that the dingos in the environment indirectly affected the vegetation by controlling the numbers of kangaroos and other small mammals and birds... what is the positive?... the 🐑 sheep can live another day.
Most of Australiaball's conflicts have been because of colonial alliances, such as WW1, WW2, Korean War, Vietnam War, and the 2 Gulf Wars. But the most hilarious conflict Australiaball has ever been into was the Great Emu War (alone), where, for some kind of reason, it lost to animals.
World War 1
At the declaration of war in 1914, a young independent Australiaball (along with its siblings) were pulled into their parent;s war. It and New Zealandball were sent to fight the Turks in Gallipoli. What was meant to be an easy victory turned into a bloodbath.
The two young countryballs fought in unbearable conditions against a dug-in enemy. They were evacuated in late November 1915. The Gallipoli landings shaped its national identity. Australiaball became a battle-hardened soldier and left many dead siblings behind on the beach.
In 1942, it adopted the Statute of Westminster, making the Commonwealth of Australia formally independent from the British Empireball. The monarch of the British Empireball is still the monarch of Australia (and 15 other realms) today.
On 3 March 1986, the Australia Act 1986 came into effect. Now UKball's government can no longer be involved with Australiaball's government.
In 2010, Australiaball was into female leadership.
In 2017, it legalized same-sex marriage making Gay and Lesbian Kingdomball obsolete.
In 2018, Peter Dutton tried to become prime minister forcing Malcolm Turnbull to resign. However, Scott Morrison beat Dutton in a leadership spill, meaning that Australiaball now has had six different prime ministers since the beginning of 2007.
Later that same year, Australiaball decided to make a space agency. Adelaideball will stage the headquarters.
Near the end of 2019-beginning of 2020, it had some huge fires on its east coast, they are currently the most destructive fires to have occurred since the 2009 Black Saturday fires in Victoriaball
It is currently loosening COVID-19 restrictions as it is slowly recovering. (despite its USAball saying it is a failure)
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- New Zealandball - My little sibling! You are a good Rugby player but you need to learn to play some Cricket, mate. Also, cut back on the sheep. Love you, c*nt. Maybe we should have a barbecue sometime. Also, teach me how I can be nicer to my natives. Jk am still yuor big sib!
- Irelandball - Sibling, a significant proportion of my population consists of it, many were sent here as convicts and in the 20th century, many were fled the troubles and came here.
- Indiaball - Adoptive sibling! Very Stronk cricketer. Your curry is really good. We now have a free trade agreement. Also, I gave you the "stolen" artwork.
it was given to me mate!BUT DON'T CALL ME RACIST!
- Pakistanball - It's also my adoptive sibling! Creeps me out. At least it is good at cricket And Has Good NON-VEG Food.
- Ukraineball - New mate, relations increasing. Congrats on bein' the only country to qualify every single time in Eurovision. Bein' there longa than I have, that's such an achievement.
- Canadaball Sibling, EH? I love its Canada Goose! Bring some to me eh?
- Netherlandsball - Thank you for discovering me.
- Italyball - A significant proportion of my population consists of it. We have sustained a muscular and friendly relationship for long years.
- Kosovoball - I recognize it and I fully support it against that anti-vax-sympathizing drongo.
- Kurdistanball - Good blokes, gave it some guns n' shit to fight em' ISIS doggas.
- Iraqball - Many of them living in our clay. I am also very friendly with it. But why do you hate Kurdistanball? It is helping you against ISIS.
- Argentinaball - Ha! You can't be in Eurovision, but I can! Rekt! BUT WHY DID YOU DEFEAT ME IN RUGBY?! NO ONE EVER BLOODY DEFEATS ME ON RUGBY!
- Greeceball - I have many in my clay. My people are interested in your language. Also, happy 200th anniversary!!
- All the Oceanian islands except Fijiball
- Polandball - Many living in clay.
- USAball - Loves my accent and strong ally. It is my 2nd favorite sibling as well, but my politicians prefer New Zealand to you. It thinks that it is more resistant than me, but it wears helmets and protections in that stupid sport that it invented (RUGBY IS BETTER THAN AMERICAN
- Yugoslaviaball - Great lil bogan, but where did ya go ya bloody wanker?
- South Koreaball - Good Korea, many Koreans are in my clay.
- Hong Kongball - Adoptive sibling, many are in my clay. EY YUO SO KAWAII!! (pats Hong Kong)
- South Africaball - My cousin. It is basically an African version of me, although it is much older. Many of its 2balls settled in my clay after apartheid (bloody racists) also why did you give me Omicron? What did I ever do to ya?
- Philippinesball - Here is my little Asian close friend and fellow APEC member, who is interested in my clay and it likes my Christian songs and singers, especially this one. I can help its to get into G20 with the help of USAball, Germanyball, Indonesiaball, Argentinaball, Saudi Arabiaball, Canadaball, Mexicoball and Tringapore. BUT WHY DID YA START A BASKETBALL BRAWL AGAINST ME?!
- Nigerball - African country who hates Norwayball for making fun about its HDI mate.
- Brazilball - It has strange animals too and unfortunately suffers of burning too, it can now into Christian Music because of Diante do Trono and the Brazilian Darlene (AKA Ana Paula Valadão). I support Jair Bolsonaro too.
- Ecuadorball- How'd you remove all those goats, mate? Could you teach me?
- Thailandball - My sibling! I like your kangaroos, your geography, and yuo godmother.
- Denmarkball - Mate you just create subway surf in my clay (Since 2013,2015,and 2016)
- Latviaball - We both hate that identity stealer.
- Israelcube - I am not recognizing Palestine for it and we both hate Iran. (But be nicer to Palestine's people tho).
- Saudi Arabiaball - We both hate Iran.
Don't Know what to say bout these m8s (Neutral)
- UKball - Parent that is always caring with the rest of the Anglosphere, however it colonized me and that's the only reason I hate it.
- Japanball - You are a good ally but STOP KILLING THE WHALES! Also, remember 1942. If you are the 'Land of the Rising Sun", who is the "Land of the Falling Sun"... USA? Tons of Japanese restaurants in my clay.
- Indonesiaball - My neighbor north of me. We are good allies and I saved it from a tsunami, but they accused me of spying, killed 2 Australians, and accused them of drugs, Now it's offering me an ASEAN membership.
- Papuaball - My child... no lil' bugger I am not going to annex you - what do you mean I made you a penal colony!? I am just tellin' ya to watch over those c*nts comin' in!
- Portugalball - People think you discovered me. Ya're also the best friend of my parent. Overall not a bad bloke. But remove commies, they're bad
- Serbiaball - Successor to the Yugoslaviaball, a great business partner to say at least. We traded loads of things and they exported us very great food products. However mate, I don't care if Novak Djokovic is a great tennis player, he needs to be vaccinated or else no access to our country!
- Russiaball - Putin likes koalas, but my government doesn't like you. The World Cup was cool ... I may have been eliminated but I will continue to follow, I am curious to know who will be the champion oh do you want to invade Ukraineball right, I will sanction you mate (I HAVE SNIPED THE WORLD'S FASTEST MAN!)
- Chinaball - Too many of you on my land, though your government exports lots of stuff to me and you are working well on diplomacy with Kim Jong Un. HOW DARE YOU THROW ROCKS AT A KANGAROO IN YOUR ZOO JUST BECAUSE IT WASN'T JUMPING ENOUGH? YOU KILLED IT!!, also Stop banning the ABC website in your country.
- Australian Aboriginalsball - Just stop complaining about our anthem, please. I am sorry that you were mistreated!
- United Arab Emiratesball - I export oil to it, and our relations are increasing. however, AUSTRALIA DAY 2019 NEVER FORGET! I failed to defend my Asian Cup title because of you...
- EUball - I can into Eurovision, can Aussie into EU too?
- Austriaball - NAME STEALER! I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE MY RELATIVE! (shhh! Don't tell it this but I actually stole its name.) At least I beat ya up in the family feud. That makes up for 2 farking percent.
- Palestineball - Who's this guy again? (Actually in real life my people support ir but my government recognizes it as Israel's clay)
Kangaroo Motherf*ckers (Enemies)
- Fijiball - Got angry at me just for not supporting a military coup that overthrew the former government.
- Emus - REMOVE! They humiliated me. Dangerous creature! Kill! KILL! 1932 NEVER FORGET WORST YEAR EVER, F*CK YOU!!
- West Papuaball - Are you part of Indonesia again?
- American Samoaball - HA! I destroyed it in soccer, 31-0! Just when I thought the 22-0 win over Tonga was the best day of my life, this guy shows up! F*CK YOU AMERICAN SAMOA!
Netherlandsball (From 1945) - GIB ME DUTCH EAST INDIES NOW!
- North Koreaball - Hates me because I'm a friend & sibling of America and a friend of South Korea. Also threatened me with a nuclear strike. REMOVE KIM FAMILY!
- Soviet Unionball - Hated me cuz I am a friend of USA. Used to threaten my big cities with nukes during the Cold War! REMOVE STALIN AND GULAG! Oh wait, it's dead. Well, good riddance, c*nt!
- Ottoman Empireball - Fought with it in World War 1 for my UKball. You committed genocide on the Armenians. Remove Ottoman!
- East Timorball - You're a f*ckin' commie n' deserve to be invaded.
- Empire of Japanball - F*ckin' tortured my army and bombed my clay!
- Washingtonball - Sorry mate I never allowed to you open the Starbucks to my clay.
- Hondurasball - Mate, I don't think we ever met before, but I will seriously defeat ya in soccer! World Cup, here I come!
- Quebecball - Who are you again? A province of Canadaball?
- Iranball - INSANE KEBAB!!
- Venezuelaball - It hates me for being friends with USAball.
- Myanmarball - Sibling and murderous bastard, stop giving me refugees!!
- ISIS Stupid Lil c*nt it can go suck an emus d*ck!
- Sierra Leoneball - Hates me because I'm not giving aids to treat Ebola. (Aids is bad, remember)
- Togoball - It hates me for speaking English, That's a very f*cking dumb reason to hate me.
- Norwayball - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE A HIGHER HDI THAN I MATE! I'm IN STUPID SECOND (eighth in 2019) PLACE THANKS TO YOU, YOU STUPID C*NT! I'M GOING TO TOP THAT LADDER ONE DAY! JUST YOU WAIT! But our siblings like each other.
- Tatmadawball - YOU ARE THE REASON WHY A LOT OF MY BURMESE RESIDENTS IN MY CLAY STARTED A PROTEST HERE! REMOVE MILITARY COUP! REMOVE MILITARY GOVERNMENT FROM THE PREMISES! (Wow, that was one of the only times I have good relations with this guy...)
- Belarusball - Just resign already Lukashenko!!!
States and territories
The Commonwealth of Australia is a federation of six states:
- NSWball - Home to the biggest city in Australia and Oceania, Sydney, Yet rivals with over who should have the Capital city. It is also the most cultured and populated state. (Quite an abbreviation, just add an F and shit will happen)
- Victoriaball - Rednecks and the most livable city in the World, Melbourne. It is a bit of a hipster and has a lot of street art too.
- Queenslandball - The only state in Australia with real Theme Parks (Movie World, Dream World, Sea World, Etc) It is also one of the hotter states especially, in the north. It has beautiful corals.
- Western Australiaball - Has the most minerals, and their major city Perth is one of the most isolated areas in the world. WA is also the biggest state out of all of them (bigger than Alaska and Texas put together and is comparable to Kazakhstan's alone.)
- South Australiaball - Is mostly desert in the north, yet has the fifth biggest city (Adelaide) It makes good wine, and despite its name, it is not the southernmost state.
- Tasmaniaball - The only state that is not on the mainland and formerly had the Tasmanian Tiger. it is Friends With Denmarkball and also had a mining collapse once. (Capital: Hobart)
- ACTball - It became the real capital of Australia after NSW and Victoria had an argument about who should have the Capital city (though it is located closer to Sydney than Melbourne). It is also the only landlocked state or territory in Australia (after the exclave at Jervis Bay Territory became its own territory in 1989).
- Northern Territoryball (Australia) - The birthplace of the aboriginals 40,000 years ago. (Capital: Darwin)
- Jervis Bay Territoryball - Created when the ACTball achieved self-government in 1989, is the smallest Territory.
- Ashmore and Cartier Islandsball - It has the name of a generic cop couple. Also, no one permanently lives there.
- Australian Antarcticaball - It's so cooold there.
- Christmas Islandball - Ho Ho Ho, it makes a good couple with Rio Grande do Norteball.
- Cocos (Keeling) Islandsball - You know (they have a lot of cocos), also only Muslim-majority territory.
- Heard Island and McDonald Islandsball - Same case of Ashmore and Cartier Islandsball. Also USAball, there are no Maccas (Aussie slang for McDonald's) there.
- Norfolk Islandball - Norfolkball in an island.