|“||Pour la Congolexicomatization des lois du marché propres aux Congolais||”|
— Eddy Malou
Democratic Republic of the
Doctors Tarzan Gorilla Conga Congoball (or Doctor DR Congoball) a.k.a. Congo-Kinshasaball and formerly Zaireball is an dance African countryball. It has very bad luck because it is one of the poorest countryballs and is very corrupt, and has very low HDI even if it has many resources on its clay (who create violent conflicts with its neighbours). It also has some good luck, as it can into the only African country with more than 1 time zone. As of 2021, it has a population of 91.31 million inhabitants and it grows rapidly! DR Congo is the world's 11th largest country, and the second largest country in Africa after Algeriaball.
It is also a doctor, because of its initials (D.R) and can into intelligence and scientific theories
DR Congoball has a very long history. It is a descendant of the 8balls and later the Bantuball. In many parts of the Congo, there were many kingdoms scattered everywhere such as Kingdom of Kongoball ruled over it and its neighbors, Republic of the Congoball and Angolaball. But we will begin when he was first a countryball.
Belgiumball was a relatively irrelevant country in the European politics of the time, attempting to raise the status of his country, King Leopold II decided to do what the other Europeanballs at the time were doing, colonialism. However, few in Belgiumball were interested in such a project, so he decided to create a colony that would be his own private property, and the chosen place was the Congo, other Europeanballs approved it as could serve as a buffer state between rival colonial powers such as UKball and Franceball. This is the origin of Congo Free Stateball.
Congo Free Stateball was not controlled by Belgiumball properly, rather by King Leopold himself, this allowed him to do whatever he wanted there, and he thought of nothing but profiting from Congo as much as possible. The king had a private army that terrorized natives to work as forced labor for resource extraction called Force Publique. The enslaved Congoballs were forced to hit targets for harvesting, planting, rubber extraction, etc. When they failed, they were punished with amputation of hands, feet, torture, rape and execution. It was with the profit obtained in Congo in that period, that Belgiumball grew.
As a humanitarian disaster known as The Congo Genocide was taking place, some groups started to put pressure on Belgiumball to formally annex Congo Free Stateball and take it away from the hands of King Leopold, that even old almost dying still opposed it and tried to unsuccessfully keep part of the territory at least as his private property. Belgian Congoball was born out of this, now a formal colony of Belgiumball, even with the change in the status, almost nothing changed and forced labor continued to be enforced.
Through the decades, Belgiumball would also use Belgian Congoball out of military interests, during WW1 for example, as the native Congoballs could be used as a huge amount of soldiers, fighting together with UKball against German Empireball at the East African Campaign. The same thing happened during WW2, where Belgiumball after being invaded by Nazi Germanyball relied almost entirely on the exploitation of Congo for money while in exile and later when organizing its armies to fight together at the side of UKball one more time.
After WW2, Belgian Congoball became more urbanized, which gave origin to an urban class known as the "Évolués", which meant Europeanised Africanballs that according to them had "evolved" from their own inferior culture. This class grew influential in politics, as most even with the acculturation were still treated as subhumans by Belgiumball. A lot of these people started to get in touch with anti-colonial ideologies such as socialism and African nationalism, and this was the origin of the movement for Congolese independence.
The self-taught intellectual, Patrice Lumumba became a leader in the movement after uniting an anti-colonial group called the Congolese National Movement (MNC), the first native political party in Congoball. In the same year, he participated in the first Pan-African People's Conference in Ghanaball that had just become an independent countryball, there he had contact with other Africanballs that shared his anti-colonial struggle. In a short time, Lumumba became one of the main representatives of Pan-Africanist ideals, defending solidarity among the countryballs of Africa against imperialism.
Patrice Lumumba united the different ethnic groups of Belgian Congoball in favor of the independence, resulting in a wave of protests in the colony. In face of this, Belgiumball announced a local election plan and a gradual transition to independence that would be completed in five years. But Lumumba knew Belgiumball was just trying to buy time to install puppet leaders in power, so he called for new demonstrations. Belgiumball then ordered his arrest. This only infuriated the natives who voted massively for the cause of independence, winning 90% of the vote.
Lumumba was just released in time to attend meetings in Brusselsball on independence in 1960. On June 30 of the same year, the independence of the African countryball was declared. The MNC won the country's first free elections and Lumumba became Prime Minister of the Republic of the Congoball, also known as Congo-Léopoldvilleball out of its capital, being the other Congo, a French colony, Congo-Brazavilleball. Everything seemed to be good as Belgiumball seemed to have easily accepted the independence. But then, few days after independence, a rich regional leadership of State of Katangaball called Moïse Tshombe, supported by Belgiumball and entrepreneurs in the mining sector launched a separatist movement in the province. Of course, Belgiumball wouldn't just give its colony away and stop interfering in its politics.
Republic of the Congoball asked for the other Western countryballs to help it convince Belgiumball to stop interfering in Congolese internal affairs, but they ignored it. It then approached Soviet Unionball, which offered it help by sending supplies and weapons to fight Katanga's uprising, and this (only this) sparked a reaction in the rest of the West, with USAball, UKball and Belgiumball orchestrating a coup against Lumumba.
The first attempt to overthrow Lumumba failed as he obtained a vote of confidence from the senate to prevent the dissolution of his government. A few days later, however, he would be overthrown by a coup d'état led by Colonel Joseph Mobutu, a former servant of the Force Publique. Lumumba was under house arrest under surveillance by UNball troops, he tried to escape, but was captured by the military with the aid of the CIA. Soviet Unionball called for his release, but under pressure from USAball, UNball did not intervene to free him. On January 17, 1961, Lumumba was executed by a firing squad commanded by State of Katangaball under the surveillance of Belgiumball.
This was the beginning of the most intense period of the Congo Crisis. The Lumumba loyalists were purged from the government and started their own government, the Free Republic of the Congoball, that was backed by the Soviet Unionball, against the Republic of the Congoball usurper government. The Free Republic of Congoball fell in 1962 and gave origin to a series of rebellions on the former territories against the government, the Simba and Kwilu rebels were influenced by Chinaball Maoist ideology as well as by Cubaball, even with Che Guevara himself going to fight alongside the Congolese. The rebels fought till 1965 when Colonel Joseph Mobutu sieged absolute power and effectively defeated them, the country had also changed its name one year before and was now known as the Democratic Republic of the Congoball.
Mobutu installed cruel policies but was supported by the USAball as he was probably the most anti-communist guy in Africa. Also, in his government, he allowed the increase of external exploitation of Congolese natural resources, mainly precious stones, being large part of the sector dominated by Western companies. In 1971, Mobutu renamed the countryball to Zaireball as well as his own name. As continuous uprisings were still present in holdouts in the south and east of the country, a legacy of the Congo Crisis, Mobutu started a nationalist campaign to promote himself as a champion of African nationalism and try to move away from the stereotyped image of him as a Western puppet.
The campaign had no real success as the insurgencies continued through the years and would see a renaissance at the end of the 70s and beginning of the 80s with the independence of Angolaball, where Mobutu had supported an opposition faction to that in power, and in turn, they supported the armed opposition in Zaireball. With Mobutu meddling into the Angolan Civil War and PR Angolaball backing the insurgencies in Shaba I and Shaba II. The problems with Angolaball were solved in 1979, however, the insurgency continued, thanks to its close relations with USAball under Ronald Reagan, Mobutu stayed in power.
After the fall of communism in the 1990s, USAball had no reasons to support Mobutu anymore, as besides being cost, it just made them look bad in front of the rest of the international community, so they decided to abandon him and called for the democratization of Zaireball. Mobutu then agreed to tolerate some opposition, but the opposition later split with him and started a second government. At this time, Mobutu was suffering from advanced prostate cancer and couldn't govern anymore, and all that the ones he appointed to high government positions were doing was introduce austerity policies and free-market reforms, which angered a lot of people as the country was already miserable.
The Rwandan Civil War had effects on Zaireball crisis. Rwandaball under its extremist government of Hutuballs was an ally of Mobutu, so he supported them against insurgent Tutsis. As consequence, Tutsiballs in east of Zaireball (known as Banyamulenge) rebelled in 1994 as Mobutu was supporting the Rwandan Genocide. In the same year, Tutsiballs took power in Rwandaball, Mobutu then welcomed extremist Hutuball militias to Zaireball so they could continue fighting the Rwandan government. Naturally, Rwandaball started supporting the rebel Tutsis against Mobutu.
In 1996, Zaireball was weak after those years fighting rebellions, so Mobutu attempted to do his own genocide against Tutsiballs, but Rwandaball wouldn't tolerate that and together with Ugandaball invaded Zaireball to overthrow him, starting the First Congo War. The two were backed by Angolaball and Burundiball, they also cooperated with the local opposition forces led by Laurent-Désiré Kabila, who claimed to be the political heir of Patrice Lumumba. The forces of Kabila easily took power following the offensive and Mobutu couldn't lead his loyalist forces anymore, Zaireball then finally came to an end, being renamed to Democratic Republic of the Congoball again. Mobutu would die in Moroccoball in 1997.
The forces loyal to Mobutu teamed up with the opposition of every countryball that participated in his overthrown and new conflicts started. In addition to it, Kabila started to have major disagreements with Rwandaball and Ugandaball as their armies didn't want to leave the newly formed Democratic Republic of the Congoball, and here we have the beginning of the Second Congo War. Kabila wouldn't resist an invasion of Rwandaball against the capital, this would create more instability that could spill into Zambiaball, Botswanaball, Namibiaball and Zimbabweball. So, Zimbabweball that was leading the SADCball at the time, organized its army and intervened in favor of Kabila, Angolaball and Namibiaball also aided.
With the help of Zimbabweball and Angolaball, Democratic Republic of the Congoball stopped Rwandaball and Ugandaball plus their allied militias to expand. This was not seen with good eyes by the Western countryballs, they wanted the early anti-Mobutu opposition in power, not Kabila that was a nationalist, so they were in favor of Rwandaball out of their interests in the Congolese mineral resources, but the situation was already too complicated to start another intervention at that point. All sides of the war signed a peace protocol in 1999 in the capital of Zambiaball, after signing it, all foreign armies withdrew from the Democratic Republic of the Congoball.
However, the war continued as one of proxies with Rwandaball still backing their allied militias and Zimbabweball backing the government of the Democratic Republic of the Congoball. Kabila ended up assassinated in 2001, with everyone accusing Rwandaball of being behind it. Kabila's son, Joseph Kabila took power following his death, different from his father, he was more of a corrupt opportunistic politician rather than someone with concrete ideologies. In 2002, South Africaball arranged peace between Ugandaball and the Democratic Republic of the Congoball, this resulted in the Ugandan backed militias getting really upset and starting to genocide Pgymy civilians.
In 2003, a transitional government started, so the Democratic Republic of the Congoball could honor its name, with a new constitution being adopted, but what happened was that a bunch of different parties formed an alliance to back the president, with warring parties refusing to participate on it, therefore, sporadic violence continued. Following the next years, Democratic Republic of the Congoball managed to end violence in considerable part of its territory, though continuous insurgencies still exist in the border with Rwandaball as well as in Katangaball.
The two Congo Wars made millions of victims and let many more refugees, it is considered to be the worst war in modern history since WW2. Democratic Republic of the Congoball remains one of the poorest countries in the world. Even though its clay is rich in many resources like gold and coltan, these are stolen by very violent armed groups who continue to kill and rape everyone in the region of Nord-Kivuball. Now, some are saying things can start to look better for the Democratic Republic of the Congoball, because they have a new president and it was the first peaceful power transfer in 60 years of the country's history.
From March 29th, 2022, it can into EACball.
- Tanzaniaball - I joined le EACball for tu.
- USAball - Gives aid and is very good trading partner! But, why'd you put sanctions on moi because of my conflict in Nord-Kivuball?
- Canadaball - It gib aid and monies.
- Chinaball - Also good trading partner. But we struggle during hard times too.
- Republic of the Congoball - Best friend and sibling. Ah oui...
But I'm the real Congo!
- Namibiaball - Planning to build railways linking.
- Zimbabweball - Supported me from Rwandans during the war, eternal thanks.
- Kingdom of Kongoball - Father.
- Sudanball - Good ally who backed me up in many past conficts.
- Angolaball - Another ally. Building railroads to connect with each other.
But gib Cabindaball!!
- Indonesiaball - We were both colonized by Benelux countries, and it hates Jan Pieterszoon Coen as much as I of hatings Leopold.
- Ukraineball - Crimeaball is still yuors.
- Gypsyball - I know how it feels when Europeans commit genocide and the fact that everyone hates you is sad. This racist shit had black people in zoos because of their skin color, and commit genocide, and even cut people's hands-off and lead them to suffer. I will of course take your refugees, I know how you feel!
- Cubaball - Congolese Rumba best Rumba!
- Russiaball - It recently did gib me some T-64 but can yuo stop bully Ukraineball, and gib Crimeaball to it ok 👌🏿.
- Algeriaball - We both hate European Colonialism. We really talked alot each other and both hate a silly language, that being French, we both have the largest clay in Africa, no compete.
- Belgiumball -
HONHONHONHONHONHON TU LOST TO FROG IN 2018 WORLD CUP!. My adoptive bully of a parent, I hated when it caused a genocide on me. It is so disrespectful and rude that it makes a racist comic about me! Tu also stole my diamonds and many other resources! Leopold II is as bad as the Nazis! Well, we've been trying to get along better now but our relationship is still rocky. But we both like football. Pls apologise to me!
- Kenyaball - Thanks for sending troops, but are yuo stealing from my gold mines?!
- Ugandaball - Former enemy; now I am help tu fight these no good bombers in my clay, but tu better leave moi clay when we're finished! Or else....
- Leopold II of Belgium - ENJOY YOUR STAY IN HELL, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!! NEVER FORGOT THE CONGO GENOCIDE!!!
- Rwandaball and Burundiball - INVADERS! THEIFS! STOP STEALING MY GOLD MINES AND NEVER FORGET 1998!
- Mobutu Sese Seko - FUCK YOU!
- Switzerlandball & Austriaball - FAKE DOCTORS!!! I IS OF REAL DOCTOR, VOUS HEAR ME?!?!